Self Love:

Is it really what we need?

The millennial’s favourite wellbeing slogan “Self-Love” has been banded about for the last decade, a lot in the media online, and in copious amounts of books, blogs, podcasts and self help videos, dubbing it as “the answer”. However, this catchphrase has been around since the 1500’s, with the earliest use recorded in 1539, and used widely beyond the UK.

Even the ancient greeks believed that it was something that needed to be practised, in a balanced and non-narcissistic way, to provide the foundation upon which all other love could be built. 

“Self-love” has now become a cliché and on occasion an accepted excuse for not taking responsibility or for letting others down, because “self love” now needs to come above all and everything else. Has it now lost all integrity? Have we appropriated it from the“black is beautiful” movement? Is it making us bitter and resentful when we hear someone more privileged than us saying it?

I actually think the better turn of phrase is “self-acceptance”, but this is less catchy and exciting for sure. What is unconditional love if it isn’t allowing and acknowledging without judgement? Do we even practise unconditional love towards others? Or towards activities or experiences in our lives? Or even towards nature? Do we only love our job when we make a lot of money? Or do we only love our neighbour when they’re not making a noise? Do we only love the “love of our lives” when they please our needs? Do we only love the sky when it’s blue and sunny? Do we only love the transport system in London when our regular train is on time and has available seats?

And to go back to the ancient greeks with a famous quote from philosopher Socrates:“Know thyself is the beginning of wisdom,” for how do we accept ourselves if we haven’t studied or excavated below the surface of who we seem to be? I believe we are all complex and multifaceted beings, capable of far more than we could imagine. I believe we have so many parts within us, all at play and in balance as we move through life, if we know and acknowledge them all. And if we don’t, and we become disconnected to some of our parts, pushing them down into the subconscious mind, then we can become unbalanced, and they are no longer playing but vying for attention.

We are pretty magic, we have all potential inside of us, and each day we get to activate that potential and create with endless possibility. If we wanted to be more bold in the meeting room, we could be, if we wanted to be more diligent when doing the washing up, we could be. This has been proven with scientific discoveries such as neuroplasticity. We are not fixed, nothing in this entire universe is fixed. Love isn’t fixed. Love almost feels like too much pressure to maintain for oneself, especially when we don’t like a decision we’ve made or an action we’ve taken.

Acceptance is easier: “ok, on reflection I shouldn’t have said that, but I did, and now I need to reach out and apologise…” Rather than defending what we said until the cows come home and being angry at the situation and/or the other person. Because really we’re angry at ourselves as now we can’t love ourself, we’re not perfect, we are “wrong.”

And even in the anger towards self (even though projected externally), if we pivot to “self acceptance” from this unrealistic “self love”, we don’t only accept the original choice we made, but we can also accept the anger we felt in response too. And if you’ve ever made that shift from shame to acceptance, you’ll know that the anger or fear or sadness or jealousy or whatever our knee jerk response was, immediately dissipates, usually for me, with a few tears.

So why am I bringing this up? I just want us to take the pressure off of ourselves to be perfect or “easy breezy” all of the time because we can’t be, but we can find full acceptance. And just to be clear, acceptance is never condolence or tolerance, it is a balanced, heart centred response to the good, the bad and the ugly. And when our nervous systems are calm and regulated acceptance becomes second nature. We can dance in and out of all of our parts, our emotions, opinions and ideas freely, without resistance. And we are open to explore below the tip of ourselves and indulge in a journey of full self discovery. And vice versa, when we engage in this self probing and realising, allowing more of our truth to be expressed and experienced in this life, our nervous systems become more regulated and we feel calmer, freer and in even more acceptance.

When I am in acceptance,

I am fully content.

When I am content,

I am whole.

And when I am whole,

I am not love.

I.

Just.

Am.

Maybe you define love as acceptance already, maybe you define love as unconditional already. Love has a million connotations, and I accept all of them!!

However, love can easily fall into a dualistic definition with hate being on the other end. I prefer to embrace all and find a non-duality in my heart, to live by.

If you’d like to explore more essences of yourself with the help of some guides, goddesses and high frequency beings, I designed a calendar for you to connect with a multitude of varying facets of yourself throughout 2025.

And if you’d like to join my Self Love/acceptance Circle next week online, for our Full Moon in Leo to celebrate ourselves this Valentines day, I would love to have you join me for some meditation, sharing and journalling.

Sending you so much acceptance,

Siân ♥️